Dear Bubbee

FEAR OF SUCCESS,

Dear Bubbee,

I began having anxiety issues back in 03. It seemed to be getting under control for a little while, but I still have problems now and again. My new boss is eager to groom me for a promotion and I find myself taking very slow steps and pushing back. After all these years I have a supervisor eager to help me get what I want and all I can think about is — What if I succeed I will be left alone to handle this job and have no one to lean on. I will have to face other professionals and answer their questions. It scares the daylights out of me. Yet, I know I can do it and have wanted this for so long. I just cant and wont let go of my fear. Folks try to ‘open my cage and I keep closing me back in’ What do I do?

re: FEAR OF SUCCESS

Dear Desert Moon,

Anxiety is a natural part of life for so many people. We fear what might go wrong, but also as you so aptly titled your post, we also fear what might go right. What might go right, ie making more of our dreams come true, is always new and requires change. Change can be a scary thing! Realize that your anxiety is natural. It’s your body’s way of telling you hey, I’m just afraid. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. Life would not be life without having SOME fears!

Breathe in peace and breathe out anxiety, consciously and repeatedly, as you feel anxiety creeping up. Think about what the worst thing is that could happen. For example, you get the promotion and you screw up quite a bit. While that’s uncomfortable, realize most bosses expect their newly promoted will make errors! And remember, sometimes as humans you will be prepared and sometimes you will NOT. That is part of the natural cycle of being human. You will NEVER be prepared for all things all the time. So let that be OK for you.

New positions and jobs are often overwhelming in the beginning. You can never know everything. Have back-up plans! For example, when you think about answering questions from other professionals, remember you do not have to answer in the moment! This is one of the great secrets of high powered business-people. If the question or discussion comes via a phone call, you can always be ready to say Let me think about that and get back to you or Let me look into that a little more and get back to you. Or if really in a bind, just jump in and say Let me call you right back as if someone has come into your office! You DON’T need to answer things on the spot. In person you can use the same tactic. This gives you time to think, do a little research, talk to your peers in the business, etc. Be sure you reach out via networking others in your field at other companies so you have mentors and friends who you can ask for assistance.

You also shouldn’t be afraid to sometimes say I’m new in this position, so I have to educate myself a bit more on this topic and then will get back to you. Everyone appreciates honesty and vulnerability, even in business. Even the Chairmen of Fortune 500 companies are just regular people who are not always prepared, and have fears too. You actually put big wigs at ease when you say I don’t know, but will find out.

I doubt your boss would be considering you for this position unless heshe knew that you could eventually handle it. Remember … when you first got on a bike without training wheels … it was scary. Nothing has changed since we were kids learning something new. But once we got pedaling …. it got easier and easier until it was second nature… and before you knew it you were ready for the NEXT new challenge, or even the next promotion at work!

With love from the Bluestar,
Bubbee

Holidays, Family & Grieving

Dear Bubbee,
I’m just sick at my stomach with the holidays close. My daughters birthday and grieving her passing, still. I just don’t want to be around all the celebrating and want to go somewhere quiet with a friend. Whats the right way to let my family know or how do I get them to understand Or should I just grin and bear it?

re: Holidays, Family & Grieving

Dear Jacalyn,

I understand. Holidays bring up all sorts of things for people, and they certainly can be the toughest time of the year, especially in your situation. Being honest and honoring your own needs are important. You count! Be vulnerable with your family and tell them what the holidays bring up for you. Tell them you’d like to go out of town with a friend to reflect and be quiet, out of the environment filled with memories that might be painful for you. Explain that you hope as years pass, this won’t always be the case, but this year, you feel this would be best for you, and therefor best for all involved. Perhaps even suggest a special family dinner to celebrate the holidays before or after your trip, so everyone feels they have that time with you. A holiday is a day you choose to make sacred .. it’s not a day that the calendar suggests you MUST do something. And of course remind them all that your desire has nothing to do with your love for them.

We wish you the best of luck with expressing your own self-loving decision.

With love from the Bluestar,

Bubbee

Broken Heart

Dear Bubble,
At the age of 59, will I ever get over this broken heart from a 14 year relationship that just ended because she couldn’t give me what I want…

re: Broken Heart

Dear Beedubyacee,

Yes, yes and YES! You WILL heal your heart. I know this because the first step in healing is asking for help, and you’ve done that here. You, like all others, DESERVE to have what you want. For no reason other than because you are YOU. You do not need to earn this deserving. Rather you only need remember that your wants and needs matter and that you are valuable. Remember . . . on some level this break-up was an act of self-love . . . you wanting MORE and being willing to let go of what was in order to create something anew.

When anything important comes to an end, there is a natural time of grieving and empty space. While uncomfortable, this broken-hearted time is crucial for what is to come. Let it be uncomfortable and let yourself feel the loss. But in the few moments you get of respite from the pain, take the opportunity to start dreaming and visioning about what you want for yourself in the future, perhaps a fulfilling successful relationship filled with love, joy and fun. Daydream about what it would be like or write it out or both.

It will come. Both the healing of your heart and the new love.

With love from the Bluestar,

Bubbee

DOES THE FUTURE LOOK BRIGHT

Dear Bubbee,
Do humans finally get it in the future The whole…live together without judgment, focusing on helping one another and reaching the ultimate GOAL…World Peace!!

Deborator2000

re: DOES THE FUTURE LOOK BRIGHT

Dear Deborator,

Yes, and no. Here’s the good news the future looks bright, and indeed better days are ahead. Are people PERFECT in this new World Well, no … because then they wouldn’t be HUMAN ) There will be a range of experiences in the future …. a good number of people will choose to live the dream … and yet, some will choose to live in mediocrity … and still some will choose to live in what you might consider a nightmare.

The difference in the future People will be able to more consciously CHOOSE which experience they would like to have! Those who go for the dream, will be more free of the judgements you speak of … and more likely to truly experience World Peace and all that that encompasses.

With love from the Bluestar,

Bubbee

Afraid to Fly

Dear Bubbee,

Ever since 911 – I’m afraid to fly. What can I do?

Amy in Honolulu

 re: Afraid to Fly

Dear Amy,

I understand it’s anxiety-producing to fly. But it’s time to take charge of your fear
and refuse to give those terrorists your power – or your freedom. Get determined to
fly — free of fear.

When you get on the airplane, immediately surround it in a pink bubble with the intention
of keeping this bubble of protection in place — until you land. It might seem silly, but it does wonders. This technique becomes proven to work sometime in the future, but we’re sharing it now.

Also, visualize yourself getting off the airplane at your destination — SAFELY, happily and peacefully. Hold this image with determination. Anytime you get scared during the flight, come back to this image until you land safely at your destination.

Your mind holds an immense power. So, use it! And remember flying is a metaphor for freedom. And freedom is not something you want to give up.

With love from the Bluestar,

Bubbee

Birthday Bummer

Dear Bubbee,

Every year my birthday is the same ol’ same ol’. A group of us goes out to party…
I open gifts – and then it’s over. Any suggestions for making my birthday more special?

Mike from Santa Monica

re: Birthday Bummer

Dear Mike,

Ah, yes…too easily birthdays can be a letdown. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Birthdays are a sacred time of rebirth…a rare occurrence when the stars are aligned in your favor! If you take advantage of all the unseen help you have around your birthday, this day can produce momentous change and overwhelming joy, which can have impact on the entire upcoming year. Think of your birthday as a day to blow out the candles of the past AND to receive more joy and love of the future. Decide in the morning what you need to be done with (emotionally, literally or otherwise), and make a conscious choice to LET IT GO. Decide what you want more of in your life, and also choose to have more of this. Write it down if you like. See it. Feel it. Allow the day to be sacred.

And then, go have a good time!

With love from the Bluestar,

Bubbee